This can happen in any relationship from the office to parenting. Something happens and one person has a negative reaction. The other person notices the reaction and has their own reaction. Then the first person reacts to that reaction and the second reacts to that. Before you know it you’re in a downward spiral wondering, “What happened?”
You can get out of the cycle pretty easily, but only if you are willing to shift your energy first. If you focus on the other person, keep blaming them or wait for them to change then it will keep going south. “But she started it!”
These cycles happen when people set their energy based on what they are observing rather than what they want to create (this usually happens by default). Then what they are observing ends up being what they are creating. It’s the law of attraction.
It’s miserable to be in a negative cycle feeling helpless and powerless, because you are at the mercy of others.
The upside is that you can create whatever you want. It is feels very empowering to shift your focus and your energy to break a negative cycle.
Here’s an example with me and my son, Zane, who’s 7. Kids tend to be very clear mirrors of our own stuff and this is a great example: Last night after dinner I became dissatisfied when Zane ran off to play video games without taking his dishes to the sink. I got frustrated and my energy changed. Then he reacted (by default) to my energy shift and got grouchy. At that point he was even less likely to take his dishes to the table, and I got even more frustrated, resulting in him putting his foot down and digging in.
It was an all out power struggle.
That’s when I realized that I had a choice. I could keep pushing about the dishes, and one of us would lose, or I could shift the pattern.
Now, sometimes I miss this point of choice and it ends badly. But this time I took the opportunity and shifted my energy. I decided to stop focusing on what I didn’t want, and start creating what I did want. I took some deep breaths and imagined what it would feel like when we all helped out cheerfully, and that created the energetic vibration in my body.
Leaving the dishes there for the time being, I held my new energy and got involved with Zane playing Zelda, his favorite video game. Within a few minutes, he was mirroring my new cheerful energy. (This is so fun to do with kids because they can shift very rapidly. Adults often take longer because we hold onto stuff.) Then we were both feeling better and we went on with our evening.
Later, when it was time for bed I felt my new energy and said, “Hey, take your dishes over and then go brush your teeth.” He said, “Ok,” and did it and it was no big deal.
When you shift your energy first, good things can happen.
Now there’s one tiny detail that I should mention. If you shift your energy with the expectation that the other person should change, it will fail. Most people react poorly to such expectations because they are energetic hooks.
It’s paradoxical, I know, but you must shift your energy purely for yourself to feel better and to end your part of the cycle. Then things will start to shift.
So who cares if the dishes get taken to the sink? Really. I can lighten up about it and playing with energy is so much more fun anyway.
So try it out, just for fun…
For more resources in this area, check out the audio meditations and slides from Lead With Your Energy on the free resources page.
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